The Beauty Within

I remember as a kid and telling my mama that I wanted to be a storm chaser. I would stand outside in the rain as she yelled from the doorway for me to get inside. Now while I still love a great storm, over the years I have changed my mind many times. Obstetrician, massage therapist, make up artist, elementary school teacher. But the one thing that never changed was my love of writing.

The time for writing has decreased over the years as I became a wife and mother. I love my family and what I do, and my writing has been my "me time". And after a year and a half of writing a collection of short stories, I finally published them. This has been a dream of mine for a very long time. I know not everyone will like them. Some might consider them vulgar and distasteful. Some might absolutely love them. But no matter what others might say, I put everything into this. And if at the end of the day, my mama is the only one who ever buys my book...that's okay. The frustration and late nights were worth it. To be able to hold a physical copy of my work in my hands. 

Never forget your dreams. Even if someone thinks it is stupid and not worth it. It's your dream. Put in the work and the tears. Because the joy of the finished product is amazing. And here I present you the cover of my book. My tears and sorrow. My joy. My dream. 

 

Annoying and the city?

It's been a few days since I've written. It's been a combination of chaos, and school starting. And now comes those moments where I get a few hours of kid free time. And you would think that I would be bored out of my skull, but those four hours that Micah is in school (he only goes half time) go by pretty quickly. Grocery shopping, cleaning, and laundry oh my! But today while browsing publishing companies and writing opportunities, I decided to watch a little television. And what did I come across? An old favorite show of mine mostly during my single days. Sex and the City.

Now I know some of you are going ick, and some have watched it also. But as I watch each episode, I started thinking....there was a reason I only liked this show as a single woman. The fashions? Still fabulous. The bags? Amazing. The shoes? LOVE. But most of the episodes seem to circle around the fact that married people are boring and unable to talk about anything else other than kids, play dates, and their shared views. And as I sat there, I actually started to find the show slightly annoying. The whole program seems to dictate that you are only interesting if you are single. The only major upside I now see is their friendships. Maybe my mindset has just changed over the years. Maybe I just take offense because I'm married, and my husband and I don't share a brain.

Single life was a mixture of carefree adventures and loneliness. It was a time in my life that I enjoyed and was glad to have experienced. But it's been 8 1/2 years of marriage and there's nowhere else I would want to be. Through the episodes of sparkly shoes and cosmopolitans, I had a thought. Those days of where I wanted to move to New York City, and rocked five inch heels every day are now gone. And that's okay. I may have traded those things for a small town life with three little kiddos attached at my hip. It might be a glass of wine in a bubble bath instead of martinis at a downtown restaurant. But that doesn't make me boring. Being single is wonderful, but so is marriage.

I'm not knocking anyone who loves the show, and I'll admit, it gives you a glimpse of a sparkly life with an amazing wardrobe. But my cozy life with my lovely, little family is all the spark I need.

You're a mean one Mr. Grinch

As I'm sitting here with my cup of coffee and enjoying the sound of the rain, I realized that tomorrow is the last day of sleeping in before school starts. And I got to thinking about my reactions to each of my children's first days. I remember tearing up as we walked them into their classrooms and the overwhelming feeling of love and sadness. My girls are now in 1st and 2nd grade, so while this mama snaps plenty of pictures...I know that they are okay. They are familiar with their school, and those school routines are already engraved in their little minds. But my youngest is 3 1/2. He started school part time last year in special education. And during their open house, we of course made a stop into his classroom and met up with his teachers (he has the same teachers from last year thank goodness!) Micah is autistic, so routine is crucial. And after a 3 month hiatus, we will be starting from scratch again this year. But I'm so incredibly thankful for his teachers. And how much they love my little boy. 

But as the school year starts and summer vacation ends, I find myself longing for the holidays. I'm aware that living in Texas...we could probably barbecue on Christmas, but I love the feeling of winter and joy of holidays. I usually have to restrain myself from decorating too early. My poor husband comes home from work and the house has been transformed into a holiday wonderland. I blame Pinterest..haha! But as we pass Halloween, and Thanksgiving (which in my opinion seems to get completely forgotten by store decorators!) the Christmas fiasco starts. When did it become so jaded? When did standing in line for 8 hours for a toy become the new Christmas? And then I had a thought. This is why so many people hate the holidays. It's become a marketplace of toys, gadgets, and who can spend the most. I want my kids to remember the family time, the baking, and the true meaning of Christmas. Because when they are older and have kids on their own, it's the traditions that they will remember. It's those memories that they will want to instill in their own children. I remember the coziness of the house during the holidays. Hot chocolate and The Grinch playing on the television. The way my mom would bake for hours as Christmas music played in the background. Her famous holiday fudge. And how decorating the house was a family event. 

This has been my mission. And I am so thankful for a family that makes the holidays a happy time. Do I get stressed out over Christmas shopping? Sure. What parent doesn't. But I hope that when it's all said and done, that we can maybe remember that time when it didn't matter how many presents were under the tree. And when Christmas was an enjoyable holiday and not one that had us scared to open our credit card bill. Create traditions. Love your family, and most importantly, celebrate Christ. 

My Book!

Just a quick little blurb! I recently finished my collection of short stories. I've been working on them a little over a year now. In the process of possible publication, but it can be overwhelming for a first time author like myself. If you love paranormal romances, and young adult fiction...please let me know if you are familiar with the publishing world! I would love any feedback or advice. Please keep me in your prayers that I can one day achieve my dream of becoming a published author!

Just because we can...doesn't mean we should.

First off can I say...thank goodness it's Friday?! And holy moly it is crazy out with all the back to school shopping. But....we decided to head to the mall today and browse around. Maybe it's just me, but I miss the days where women looked classy. If we could go back to those days, I would be there in a heart beat! Even gangsters looked suave in their pinstripe suits and perfectly combed hair. But alas, we no longer live in that era. And we now have to suffer through days of skinny jeans on guys, and booty shorts on girls that are way to young to be wearing them.

But as I was shopping today, I also found it almost impossible to find something that did not scream teenager. Now as a thirty one year old woman, I've learned not to compete. Because they win every time. Which brings me to my next question. Are we 30 going on 15? It seems to be a never ending cycle of teenage girls looking like their twenty two, and us perpetually trying to look like we're still twenty two. And with the fashions that are out today, it's hard to find anything that doesn't scream tween. Now I'm not saying this is every single female that walks the planet. And I've given up on certain fashions, because I don't want to look like some crazy chick. I'm a wife, and a mom....and while I love my babies with all of my heart...let's be honest. They kind of jacked my body up. The quest for nice fabrics, quality pieces, and anything not crop has become quite the hassle.

As a mom, I want to still feel sexy and attractive. And as the years have progressed and my children have come along, my ideas of fashion have also progressed. Eight years ago, you wouldn't of caught me out without a pair of heels on. And I rocked those babies for the first few months of my first pregnancy. But after three kiddos, I've come to love the classy chic. The flats and skinny jeans. A classic sweater with red lipstick. And those are the types of clothes that are worth searching for.

Now I ask of you ladies, what is one item of clothing that you own that you absolutely adore? What is your style? What stores do you love to shop in? Send me your pics in the comments on here!

Are you jealous of other moms?

I remember the days of being in my twenties. That time in your life where you could never imagine being anywhere other than perpetually being twenty five. I'm now thirty one and I feel comfortable within myself. Most days I am happy with who I am, although I have my days where I curse myself for eating that Snickers bar or having that second glass of wine. But as we progress as women, mothers, and wives...I find myself wondering..do you ever find yourself jealous of another mother?

50's housewives were rockin'. They were the shit. Looking completely flawless in heels and a dress all while a pot roast is baking in the oven. Some days I Betty Crocker that shit it up in the kitchen. Other days, I look like a hot mess while serving chicken nuggets for dinner. We've all been there right?! I know we're not all perfect, but I have to admit I've found myself jealous of another mother. Maybe it was her Pinterest styled laundry room that I've been eyeballing. Or the fact that they find time for date night every week. Or the endless pictures they post of their adventures. I would of course never divulge her name because I would appreciate not being seen as some kind of psycho stalker..haha! 

But then I had a thought. If I was jealous of her...was she jealous of anyone else? We all have those moments where we don't feel like we measure up. Does she have her days where she stays in pajamas all day? Does she ever put her kids to bed early just to get some peace and quiet? I'm gonna go with probably. Because in this crazy world we call motherhood, there are just some days where all you can do is just get out alive. And pray to God you still have wine. So yes...she might have my Pinterest dream laundry room and her hair might look amazing in those pictures, but I'm sure she has her days just like I do.And I've learned to see it as inspiration, not jealousy. Knowing that we can be moms and still look freaking amazing while doing it. And while I'm sitting here still with a bit of envy of another mother, there might just be someone somewhere thinking that I too am fabulous. 

Mom. Wife. Woman.

I remember about 8 1/2 years ago when I married this extremely handsome man. His Army uniform and smile swept me away. It's been almost nine years and three kids later, and I have to remind myself more than I want to mention that I'm not just mom. I'm a woman. I'm a wife. I'm me. 

In the chaos of family life and kids, how we do stay us? What do you do to separate your mom life from your wife life? And what do you do to separate yourself from everything and find time to just be you? My children are young. Two sassy girls with their bright eyes and Frozen purses. One mischievous little boy who steals my heart just with his smile. He is autistic, so our days can range from somewhat calm to Holy Hell the apocalypse is happening. I spend most of my days shuffling kids, cleaning the same things over, and playing referee to whatever fiasco has arisen. Would I change it? Never. But at the end of the day when my husband comes home, I sometimes just wanna hide in the closet with a bottle of wine and ignore the running through the halls and Monster High cartoons playing over and over. 

But I was blessed with an amazing man. Oh so handsome in his police uniform, I can say after eight years he still makes my heart flutter. Sure we bicker sometimes, but at the end of the day, I love being able to fall asleep next to him. Even if he drives me crazy sometimes and snores slightly. 

Through all the love, the chaos, and this ride we call life we women sometimes lose ourselves. Motherhood is an amazing experience, but it is consuming. A selfless job. But one that can suck the energy and ambition right out of you. I recently completed my book of short stories that I have been working on for almost a year. After two acceptances from publishing companies, it finally hit me. I'm not just a mom. I'm not just a wife. I'm me. Jessica. A thirty one year old woman who has dreams and aspirations. And that if I want to my kids to achieve their lifelong goals, they need to be led by example. Writing is my love. My hobby. My frustration. But it makes me happy. And helps me distance myself from the craziness that is life, and to remember to stop and smell the roses. It makes me a better mother. A better wife. So I say to you ladies. Continue being wonderful mothers and wives. But don't forget about you. Because you are important. And a life without dreams, is no life at all.